Over that next week, between the stress of Mom's illness, being away from Mark and the kids, staying around the clock at the hospital, and the continual bad news arriving, I really didn't know how much more could go wrong or how much more I could stand. "God never give you more than you can handle" quickly becomes a quote that is continually going through my head.
Mom had a very good attitude towards the whole situation, but I still don't know if she fully grasp what was going on. She was down playing it well, like it was no big deal. (can anyone say "denial"?) The "C" word was never spoken. The results started rolling in, biopsy from colon is maligant, biopsy from breast is maligant, etc, etc, etc. Everything was maligant. But there was more.... are we dealing with one kind of cancer (breast) or two kinds of cancer (breast, and liver)? You probably think, "What's the difference?", but the difference lies in how it would/could be treated. We would later find out that is was all breast cancer that had spread, and I do mean spread.....both breast, liver, colon, bones, it seemed to be everywhere.
In prep for surgery, it was discovered that she was low on blood and iron, so she was given two units of blood and a unit of iron. Boy did she perk up then!!
Surgery was scheduled for that Friday to remove the mass in her colon. All went well, not taking any longer than initially thought, but definitely gave us all a different outlook on what was to come. Slowly, she was introduced to liquids, and finally soft solid foods. It was a slow process tho. Trying to get everything back in working order, and get her strength up so she could go home.
We would learn that the cancer was hormone fed, so Mom began a regimen of hormone blockers, hoping this would slow, possibly even shrink the remaining tumors. For me, learning that the cancer was hormone based was huge. You see, my mom had taken birth control pills, every day, until just a few years prior. Yes, she was in her 60's and still taking birth control!! Crazy, I know, but she was told by an old school doctor that it wouldn't hurt and her periods would eventually stop and she could stop taking them then. I had been on her for YEARS to get off them, and she wouldn't listen....
It was also during this recovery period in the hospital, when just she and I were there alone, that I asked, "Mom, why didn't you ever go to the doctor for your checkups?" (You see, I had been asking her for years if she was, and her response was "Yup, Yup... I'm fine..I'm fine.") She very plainly stated that "I didn't want to know." End of story.... My thoughts were all over the board...some I vocalized with her...."how come you told me you were going" - "I didn't want you to worry"..... and then there were others that I couldn't hardly bare- "how could she be so self-fish"..."how could she NOT want to know"..."how could she lie to me about it".... and the list goes on and on.
After being released from the hospital, Mom went home and began to recooperate. Shortly thereafter she returned to work, part-time.....she loved to work!! (this too would become even more effident towards the end)
In April she returned to the oncologist, and it was decided to try the hormone blockers for another month. If chemo could be avoid, then it would be much better for her. By the end of April - beginning of May, it was determined that the hormone blockers weren't working, so chemo would commence.
Mom began chemo, going once a week. Summer begins to pass. Mom is feeling well, for the most part. Looking good, considering. She had lost close to 30 lbs, but was pleased with that. Eating better, making healthier food choices. Still pretty weak, but, like I said, doing well all things considered. Had to have more blood, which concerned me, but when I asked, she told me it was normal....hmmmm?
Summer turns to fall. Still doing well. Visiting on the phone at least once a week, if not more often. Getting together every time they are at the Lake. But she seems to me to be growing weaker. Just about to finish her first 16 weeks of chemo, so I'm thinking she probably is wore out...
Next comes, another marking point, at least for me..... Sat, Oct 8th. There is a benefit for Carli's friends mom, (who had also recently been diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer) in Monroe City. Carli wants to go, but not alone. Now mind you that I have never met her friend, her friend's mom, etc., but since she wanted to go, I told her I would go with her. Upon looking at Diane's timeline of illness, and diagnoses; I am stunned!! It's so very similar to Mom's. (Coincidence... I think not. God's Plan..definitely!) I decided that I must meet her and talk with her, which I do. (Btw, Diane is still doing well, just recently started chemo herself).
On the way home, we decide to stop at the condo and see Mom and Dad. It's evening, around 7p.m. or so. Dad answers the door, Mom is getting ready for bed, she's hasn't felt well, been sick to her stomach, very weak. The girls and I go back to the bedroom to see her. She's sitting on the edge of the bed, definitely not feeling well. Now the girls haven't seen her as much as I have over the summer, but immediately, (I can tell by the look on Carli's face), they can tell something is off.
We continue to visit, but Mom is so tired that she has to lay down, can't sit up.... (okay....now I'm officially REALLY worried!) She is trying to find something, she keeps insisting it's in her purse, we look there, nope.. five seconds later, can you look in my purse, I can't find such and such and I'm sure its in my purse...look in the purse, nope.... another five seconds later.... and it goes on and on. I head down the hall way to have a talk with Dad, "She's just tired, been sick to her stomach today, but she's ok."
Sorry to do this, but I really need to stop. I apologize for this being so long. Thanks for reading, and I hope to post more soon.
Christ's love to you all -
Susan
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